


Stuck

by heliomoney



Category: Pundit & Broadcast Journalist RPF (US)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:40:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27949961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heliomoney/pseuds/heliomoney
Summary: Jake and Kaitlan contemplate the state of their relationship.~ You are trapped. And so am I. ~
Kudos: 14





	Stuck

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this feels like I didn't fully address aspects of this story in the end...I kinda left this open ended if I want add more chapters.
> 
> This takes place in 2018. Two of the settings is the Not The White House Correspondents' Dinner and The White House Correspondents' Dinner. For anyone who isn't familiar, the Not the White House Correspondents' Dinner was a parody dinner hosted by Samantha Bee right before the actual 2018 White House Correspondents' Dinner. Sorry if this is confusing and honestly it's not super relevant to the story.

Jake had spent most of 2018 bathing in his own fame, letting it suffocate him to the point of it nearly completely replacing the oxygen in his brain. He almost didn’t notice when Kaitlan got her fair share too.

The time they spent together was little and precious—they wasted no time consuming each other once they fell into the sheets on Kaitlin’s bed, so they rarely had long and meaningful conversations. Jake wanted it to be that way. He felt less like he was cheating if he buried any feelings he had for Kaitlan, and so they agreed to keep the relationship purely sexual. Jake didn’t even want to talk about work with her. So, for this reason, he was thrown off when he started hearing rumors in the fall of Kaitlan getting a show.

First, he overheard Jim talking about it, and then Rick telling Jake’s producers it was a bad idea, and then Chris made a joke about it when they had lunch together, and then he saw reports about it. He never asked anyone about it. He just brushed it off. He figured Kaitlan would have told him by now if that was the case. No, they don’t talk about work too much but, that would be a pretty big thing to not mention, right?

Between the first time he heard the rumor and the last time, he and Kaitlan had hooked up six times. That would be six opportunities for her to bring it up.

December came around and he started to hear less of it. Even forgot about it most of the time. He had his own stuff to worry about and decided it would be best if he resisted showing any interest in Kaitlan’s life. So he did. Then he stopped hearing about it altogether.

Jake collapsed onto the sheets panting, letting the fan sitting in front of the bed cool him. Kaitlan went to the bathroom to clean up. He watched her through the open door as she took a wet wash cloth to her stomach where he finished. She tossed the wash cloth into the hamper next to the sink then adjusted her hair. For a second she paused and just stared at herself in the mirror.

Jake remembered an article he saw the other day.

“You know they’re calling you the next face of CNN, right?” Jake said, turning his attention to the ceiling fan above him.

“Huh?” Kaitlin shut off the bathroom light and crawled back into the bed.

“It was a Vanity Fair article I think.” Jake paused remembering something else he saw in the article. “It said you’re a perfect candidate for a show and the higher-ups are grooming you for one.”

“Yeah…I was interviewed for that article.” She said, searching through the sheets for her panties. Jake wasn’t sure if he should up and ask her if it was true.

“You’re a great correspondent. I think you’re way better than Jim was. I know I tell you that a lot…I think...hypothetically, if it’s true, you’d make a great anchor.” Jake said. Kaitlan snuggled up to Jake and rested her head on his chest. She could feel his sweat on her cheek but it didn’t seem to diminish the smell of his cologne. Jake rested his hand on the back of Kaitlan’s head, subtly playing with her hair. He could feel her smiling against his chest.

“Thanks to you,” she mumbled. “I don’t think I would have gotten to where I am if it weren’t for you.”

“Don’t say it like that. It makes this feel even more wrong.”

“Makes what feel wrong?” Kaitlan asked, perking her head up.

“Us sleeping together. Like this is some sort of exchange.”

“Well it’s not.” Kaitlan climbed on top of him and kissed him. “I just happen to have a crush on you.”

“It wouldn’t read like that on paper. Especially if you got your own show too.”

“Why are you worried about how it would read on paper? Did you tell someone?” She sat up to get a better view of him.

“No, of course not. I don’t know. I guess I’m a little paranoid.” He said. Jake reached down and picked his briefs off the floor then swung his legs off the bed to put them on. “So…Is it true?” He finally asked.

“Is what true?”

“Are you getting your own show?” There was a long pause.

“I mean…early talks. Jeff and I talked about it maybe three times. Very early talks—and brief too. He said it was only a possibility, and it would be further in the future if it happened. He can’t guarantee me anything. He said he likes where I am now.”

Jake didn’t know what to say. The rumors were true. At least kind of. So Vanity Fair was right; she’s being groomed for a show, whether it’s happening or not. Why didn’t Kaitlan say anything? He didn’t expect to be best friends with Kaitlan where they talk about every detail of their life or treat what they have like a relationship, but he thought Kaitlan would tell him something as big as that.

“Oh.” was all he could say. He found his sweatpants at the end of the bed and avoided eye contact with Kaitlin as he stepped into them.

“Something wrong?” She asked.

Jake honestly couldn’t understand what he was feeling. Was it jealousy? It took him literally _years_ and multiple rejections to get the anchor’s chair, and it was only her second year with CNN and they’re already floating the idea of her getting a show. Or was it a weird mix of pride and sadness? His mentee was growing up too fast to keep up. She wouldn’t need his advice and guidance anymore. Maybe she wouldn’t need him at all.

“No. You just never mentioned it. I mean…here we are in the same bed and I had to eavesdrop on my colleagues to find out.” Jake chuckled, pretending he wasn’t bothered.

“It’s nothing personal, Jake. Like I said, very early talks. I mentioned it to Jim because we spend so much time together but before the article, I don’t know how there were rumors. I don’t expect it to happen. Plus, you know, we don’t talk about work per your request.”

“Yeah.” Jake sighed. “Maybe we should talk about work. I mean—it’s the one thing we have in common.”

“Yeah I don’t know why you have such a stick in the ass about work talk.” Kaitlin said, rolling over onto her stomach. She watched Jake pull a sweatshirt over his head before he collapsed back onto the bed.

“I guess I’m just afraid.” He said.

“Of what?”

Jake shook his head then rubbed his eyes, trying to brush off his exhaustion. “Afraid of getting emotionally involved with you, more than I already am, that is.”

“You not talking to me about work isn’t going to change what this is. This is us cheating. If you don’t want to do this, fine, but anyway you shake this, we’re being unfaithful right now. It’s better you accept that.” Kaitlan’s stomach turned saying that. She always felt she was better than that, but now she’s cheating on her boyfriend, and she’s doing it with a married man no less.

“I still love Jen, but I also love what we do.” He admitted, mostly to himself.

“You don’t like it with her..?”

“I do…but you know…it’s different with you.”

“It’s not worth it if you’re feeling guilty, Jake.” Kaitlan rolled onto her side so she wasn’t facing him. “I don’t want you to look at me and feel guilt. I don’t want that burden. I don’t even think you have enough room for another emotional partner. You’re just hiding out from your normal life.” It pained Kaitlan to say any of that. The truth was she was falling hard for him, and she wanted it to stop. A few years ago she always fantasized about marrying her boyfriend. Then she met Jake. He made her feel things her boyfriend never did. She hated that. She needed Jake to end it for her, because she couldn’t do it herself.

* * *

Kaitlan’s phone dinged. A text from Jake.

_Are you going to the dinner?_

The White House Correspondents Dinner. Jake went pretty much every year and Kaitlan attended her first in 2017. Jake had been begging her to go to “save him from his boredom” but Kaitlan mentioned she wanted to go to this years but wasn’t sure she’d be able to because her boyfriend’s family would be in town.

 _I still don’t know_ she answered.

She stared at her ceiling, thinking about how Jake would be there with his wife and _what if he didn’t have a wife_? Would they be dating by now? _Am I actually competing with his wife right now or is this just a hookup_? _Do I want more from him_?

Kaitlan officially met Jen one time—at last year’s correspondent’s dinner—before the affair began. She remembered when Jen complimented her lip gloss and her earrings. Kaitlan complimented her dress in return even though she didn’t really like it. She remembered how Jake wanted to go to one of the after parties but Jen wouldn’t let him. She only knew that because she sat at the table behind them and she could hear every word of their painfully loud whisper-argument.

She picked her phone back up and texted him again.

_Are you going to an after party?_

A minute later a response.

 _I will if you go_.

On Saturday morning she excused herself from the company of her boyfriend and family. She told them it was important she attend this year’s dinner because she needed to network with some higher-ups and she was asked to interview people on the red carpet anyways, and no, her boyfriend couldn’t come with because it was important he stay with his family.

She had picked out a long black dress with a cowl neck and a slit on the left leg and paired it with dangling earrings. She liked how sexy it was without being over-the-top. She looked at herself in a long mirror and wondered if Jake would like it too. Although she didn’t expect to hook up with him, especially since his wife would be there, she still made sure to wear her favorite black laced panties underneath. _For good luck I guess_.

There was also the Not the White House Correspondent’s Dinner this year, which was before the actual Dinner. All CNN reporters and anchors had been invited to it, and at first Kaitlan contemplated skipping it, but Jake told her he’d be there so she decided to go too.

She saw Jake and his wife walk the red carpet way ahead of her. She fast-paced through the crowd, bumping shoulders and hiding her face to avoid conversation. She wanted to get close enough for Jake to see her. She wanted him to approach her, not the other way around. She didn’t want to look desperate. She followed them close behind into the building until they got to the floor with all the tables, then they somehow disappeared from her line of sight.

It was overwhelming, all the people there. They surrounded Kaitlan—in front, behind her, next to her—walking in her way all trying to find their tables. She could barely see past everyone and grew frustrated enough to lightly push people out of the way. She didn’t even know if she was going the right way, she just needed to find Jake.

She heard a gasp before she realized she was shoved into someone. She turned around to find Jen gathering herself from the push. “Oh, my god, I’m so sorry I—I think I was shoved and—I just landed—“

“No it’s really okay, I just dropped my purse is all.” Jen said, snapping her purse shut. ”Kaitlan, right?”

“Yes,” Kaitlan gave a polite smile and reached out her hand “You’re Jennifer of course…I remember you.” Jen didn’t have a particularly memorable face, Kaitlan thought, but she of course remembered the face of her competition…if that’s even the right word for their relationship.

Jen nodded and shook Kaitlan’s hand “You know, Jake talks a lot about you. He says you have a lot of potential. I think he really enjoys being a mentor to someone.” Yeah…a mentor…that’s what he is… Kaitlan had to chuckle to herself before realizing He talks about me a lot? To his wife? What the hell does that mean? “Oh I love this ring!” Jen said, looking at a black opal on Kaitlan’s right ring finger.

Kaitlan brushed off the compliment “Speaking of Jake,” She looked around, “where is he?”

“Well he was pulled by some friends so he’s just socializing somewhere right now.” Jen said.

“Oh…Okay. Well, where are you guys sitting?”

“Over there,” Jen gestured to a table about ten feet away from them “You can join us if you’d like.”

 _Ugh_. Kaitlan didn’t want to spend the next hour and a half watching them giggle and whisper in each other’s ears or whatever it is that married couples do.

“I actually have a table, I’m close though.” Of course Kaitlan didn’t have a table picked out yet but how else was she supposed to politely decline the front row seat to their lovefest?

“Oh okay, well I’ll tell Jake you’re here.”

“Yep.” Kaitlan walked off before either of them could say goodbye.

She was irritated with a woman she barely knew, and although it wasn’t Jen’s fault, Kaitlan enjoyed acting like it was.

The show started and Kaitlan found a seat where she knew Jake could see her, while being a safe distance away. She forgot about him during the show for the most part until he came up on the giant screens for a segment with Samantha Bee. _He looks so good_ , she thought, it was nice to see him not be so serious. She looked over at Jake’s table, only to see Jen and him laughing together at it. She rolled her eyes, because she rather that than admit to herself how jealous she was. She wondered if Jake ever stared at her the way she stares at him. She wondered if Jake felt the way she did about him but just didn’t want to admit it. _Probably not, he’s married._

Jen was proud that Jake would be accepting his third Merriam-Smith award this year; it was this kind of thing that made the past couple of year bearable. They really have been unbearable for the two of them—they never used to argue this much. Sometimes fight. Too many death threats later, Jen was tired of Jake being in the spotlight. That wasn’t the only thing. Jake was gone constantly. Appearances on talk shows, his book tour, extra hours of being on air, appearing on panels and being asked to host events left and right—Jake was gone a lot these days. To top it all, he always seemed distracted when he was home. She felt like he seemed less interested in her. Date nights and sex felt like obligations to him, she could tell, and he didn’t even care if she was mad at him. He just…avoided her.

It’s because of how stressful his job has gotten, she always told herself. She would tell him that maybe a therapist would help him, but he was adamant there was nothing a therapist could do. So, for that reason, it was nights like this that reminded her that all their troubles…maybe it was just a side effect of something bigger.

And Jake…well Jake hated Correspondents’ Dinner, and he couldn’t care less that he was going to be accepting an award. He was going because Jen liked going, it was THE date night of the year for her. He always thought the Dinner was something of a circle jerk for journalists and even felt a little embarrassed to be attending. Nonetheless, he was there, and he was even going to an after-party this year.

He noticed Kaitlan taking a seat at the table next to theirs. She came in a little late because she had been interviewing people at the red carpet, so it was hard to miss her walking in. He told her he might stop by but Jen dragged him to their table instead. He hoped Kaitlan wasn’t upset. He intended to talk to her after the Not The White House Correspondents’ Dinner but he couldn’t escape the crowd in time to keep up with her. At the very least, he’d see her at the after-party. “Jen,” He leaned over in a whisper “I’m going to the after-party this time.” Jen immediately perked up and her demeanor immediately changed.

“What? No. You can’t. I want to go home after this. It’ll be so late by the time this ends. We are NOT going.” Her tone definitely didn’t match his.

“You can take the car home after this. I’ll get a ride home. I just need to talk with some people who are going there.” That was the excuse he was going with—vague but not entirely false.

“Who? Who is so important that you can’t just call them??” Jen whispered.

“Just…” Jake closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to think of the right thing to say “some advertisers. They’re hard to get ahold of. I’ll be home maybe an hour after you.”

Jen sat back in her seat and closed her eyes with an exhale. “Okay. Fine.”

Kaitlan found Jake sitting at the bar next to one of his producers. When she approached him she noticed him pushing an empty shot glass back and forth between his fingers. “You’re already drinking?” She placed a hand on his shoulder, catching him off guard. He turned towards her with a wide smile.

“Yeah I just was in the mood I guess.” He gestured to the seat next to him.

“I think I might be in the mood too, if that’s okay.” Kaitlan waved at the bartender who was attending to some glasses. “Could I get a shot of Yeager?”

Only after she chugged her first shot did she realize. “Jen isn’t here is she?”

“No. I told her I had to talk to some advertisers. I hate lying.” He held his shot glass in place as the bartender poured him a new one.

“I didn’t ask you to lie.” “I know. But obviously I wasn’t gonna tell her I was meeting up with my…” He paused, struggling to find the right word. Kaitlan raised an eyebrow at him. “Your…? Your what Jake?” “My co-worker. Who I see every day. I don’t think she’d like me spending less time with her so I can party with someone I see every day.”

Kaitlan rolled her eyes. She didn’t know what relationship they had either, but she didn’t want to be _just_ co-workers.

She glanced at Jake’s hand. The wedding band. At some point she noticed that he never wore it to her apartment. He always had it on, except for at her apartment. She’d tangle her fingers into his, balancing herself on top of him, and she never felt his ring. She thought it was silly, like she’d somehow forget he was married because he didn’t have it on, but whatever, maybe it was a nice gesture for her.

For a while they sat in silence, drowning in shots of alcohol, pretending to be busy on their phones, but they both knew there was now an invisible barrier between them.

“Did you choose me because I’m accessible to you?” Kaitlan finally broke the silence. Her voice was quiet and her tone was sobering.

“What? No, of course not.” Jake had a furrowed brow on his face, trying to match her tone through his drunkenness.

“Then why did you choose me?” She played with her fingers as she avoided eye contact with him. She was normally a happy drunk, but then again her problems didn’t usually drink with her.

“Well…I do like you. I think you know that.” Another shot. It must have been his sixth.

“You’re risking a lot for someone you just like.” Kaitlan was irritated. It wasn’t the conversation she wanted to have but she could only do it drunk.

“So are you.” Jake chuckled. “Not as much as you.” Jake rubbed his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut.

He wanted to snap at Kaitlan. He didn’t go to the after party to engage in this kind of conversation, but he knew it was coming sooner or later. He wanted to tell her to just forget about it, pretend nothing ever happened between them and move on. Anything just so he could change the subject.

He turned to face her, for the first time that night. “I feel stuck.” He finally said.

Kaitlan stared at him for a few silent seconds, waiting for him to elaborate.

“I mean...in my life. My career. My work. My family. My _marriage_.” He said. He looked around to make sure no one was in earshot. “You might not understand right now but when you’ve been doing the same thing, with the same people, in the same place for a long time…it gets old. You get sick of it. You want to get free or something. I guess that’s what they call an existential crisis. Some days I love being married and others I want to go away and pretend none of my life happened and I can start fresh.” He bit his thumb nail and looked off into the crowd of people socializing. “Really I would like to be young again. It’s really depressing knowing that my hair is turning white, my back weaker…I’d like to do things over again. I think some significant parts of my life would be different.”

Kaitlan understood. Not because she also felt the same way, but she understood, and wished she didn’t. Her heart sank. “I make you feel young again. You’re bored and I make you feel less bored.” She turned away from Jake and looked down at her lap and fidgeted with the ring on her middle finger again.

“No” Jake grabbed one of her hands in her lap. “I just mean you represent the part of my life that I’d do differently—“ He stopped himself, realizing he was miscommunicating, “—What I mean is if I could go back in time I would have…I don’t know maybe I just wish I met you sooner…but I didn’t. And now I’m married. Have been for a long time.” He studied Kaitlan’s eyes for a reaction. _What am I even saying_.

She sat in silence for a moment staring at Jake’s hand resting on hers. After a few seconds she grabbed his hand and led him through the crowds.

“Where are we going??” Jake shouted from over her shoulder. Kaitlan pretended his voice was drowned out from the loud music and ignored him as she led him to the exit.

They emerged from the hotel into the cool air of the night. There were a few people outside loitering or making their way to a car. Kaitlan led him to the side of the poorly-lit parking lot. “Jake stay at a hotel with me tonight.” She said plainly, standing beside the sidewalk’s drop-off. He stared at her, processing what he needed to say next. He’d have to lie to Jen. He didn’t want to do that. Even more than that, he didn’t want to tell Kaitlan No.

“So…what do I tell Jen?” He asked.

“What?”

“I told Jen I’d be home within an hour of her. So if I can come with you—“

“Jake I don’t know.” She interrupted “Just say you lost track of time. Say…you got invited to another party…I don’t know. Just stay with me.”

Jake gently shut the heavy door to their room and locked it. _What am I doing_ , he thought. He was probably going to regret this the next morning. He texted Jen a lame excuse about being invited to another party then shut his phone off. He didn’t want to think about how many messages and missed calls he’d have when he turned it on again.

Kaitlan was sitting on the edge of the bed with crossed legs when he turned around. He stood awkwardly, waiting for her to speak since she invited him. When she didn’t after few more seconds he joined her on the bed. For a minute they just sat side-by-side staring at the door. Kaitlan was trying to figure out what she wanted to say. She didn’t just bring him to a hotel so she could fall into him for the night. As far as she knew, she was done doing that if their conversation didn’t go well.

At some point in the middle of Kaitlan’s silence she felt a hand on her thigh. She broke her blank stare and watched Jake’s hand slide her dress up before gently grabbing his arm and stopping him.

“Jake,” she looked into his puppy dog eyes which fostered a look of confusion as he removed himself from her dress. “I just want…to understand…what this is. So let me talk and please…don’t interrupt me.” Kaitlan inhaled and looked at the door again. _What if he charges out of here and leaves me?_

“It hurts me that you never talk about your personal life with me.” She began. “I feel like your cameraman probably knows you personally more than me and I’m sleeping with you. You don’t let me into your life. You didn’t even want to talk about work with me for a long time. It doesn’t make sense. I can only assume you’re guarding yourself in some way. So…” She paused, looking for the right direction to take her speech “…My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting married for a while now. I love him. His family, and my family…they all think we’re getting married. That’s the direction my life has to go. And your life…you’re deep in it. You are trapped. And so am I. And that sucks, because I think I love you.” Her face went red and she squeezed her eyes shut. She was in too deep now to stop. “I don’t expect you to say it back. I’m telling you so you understand where I’m at. I don’t know if you actually care about me in any way beyond as a colleague. But you have to know…and make a decision. Knowing what you know now. I get it—you can’t leave your life behind and why would you want to, anyways? So decide if you want to stop this.” She opened her eyes again but kept them on the floor until she felt a hand on her cheek.

Jake was expressionless. Or least he was his version of expressionless—the same look he always has when he’s listening to someone. He always withheld his reaction until he knew the other person was done speaking. He always held his cards close to his chest until it was his turn. But she was done speaking and he was still expressionless. He just held her cheek in his hand then brushed her hair behind her ear. His face must have been 5 inches from her, enough to where she could feel his heat. She closed her eyes again and eventually felt his lips on hers, then his warm hand run down her back as he unzipped her dress and within a few seconds he was on top of her, wrapping her legs around his back and struggling to undo his bowtie.

Kaitlan wondered if this was his reaction or him avoiding having to react. For the moment, though, she decided to enjoy it. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe how he was kissing her neck, but she thought maybe she didn’t want an answer from him. She just wanted to fade into the comforter and let him consume her.

He balanced on his knees as he unbuttoned his dress shirt. Beneath him, Kaitlan slid her panties down her legs before grabbing his waistband and helping his dress pants off. Kaitlan watched articles of clothing get thrown off the side of the bed as Jake drunkenly undressed himself. She laid herself bare underneath him, staring at the way the shadows hit his face. He seemed exhausted, but still had a kind of fire in his eyes.

He lowered himself onto her once he was down to his briefs. He buried his face into her neck and thrusted himself in between her legs. She let out a soft moan when she felt his erection push against her through the fabric. She ran one of her hands through his hair and slid the other into his briefs so she could wrap her fingers around his penis. Kaitlan consumed his scent as she pulled him out of his briefs. Jake took her hand off his erection and went in for a kiss, just one on the lips, then trailed them down her neck, breasts, then stomach, before looking to her eyes for permission. She smiled at him and gently pushed his head until his lips met her vulva. He pushed his tongue through, meeting her clit and dancing with it. She wrapped her legs around his head and pulled at his hair as she gasped. She could feel his stubble create friction on her lips and her inner thighs, and decided she liked how the stubble felt. His chin was covered with wet—he knew it wasn’t all of his saliva—she was pushing his head so his face was completely pressed into her, and his chin was lost in the folds of her skin. He sucked at her nub and grabbed one of her thighs, pressing into her skin until his fingers left a red mark. Finally, she released with a gasp and a leg twitch. Jake lifted himself off her and smiled watching the blush fill her face.

He crawled back on top of her and kissed her jawline.

“Did I taste good?” Kaitlan whispered into his ear.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” He kissed her lips, pecking his tongue in to twirl with hers. In between their heavy kissing and breathing and their limbs tangling aimlessly, Jake slipped into her with a hard thrust and groan. Kaitlan clawed at his back as he rhythmically filled himself into her.

She wondered if this was what it felt like for his wife. She wondered if they both had the same man. Was Jake the same version of himself around Kaitlan as he was around his wife? Would she be having sex with the same man if she was Jen?

“Fuck.” Jake gasped as he slowed his thrusts.

Kaitlan could feel his hands tightening their grip on the sheets underneath them. “Are you about to cum, baby?” Kaitlan moaned, digging her nails into the back of his shoulders. He didn’t answer but instead grabbed her waist and flipped her onto her hands and knees. He steadied himself behind her and guided his erection back into her. After a few steady pulses Jake picked out his rhythm and held her hips in place as he pushed into her more erratically.

Kaitlan’s whimpers were smothered by the pillow she was buried in. She held onto the edge of the mattress with a tight grip.

“You like that? Huh?” Jake sighed. Kaitlan felt herself blushing and her stomach twist with excitement but wasn’t ready to come up for air.

She loved the way Jake always made her feel. Sure, the affair aspect of their relationship was exciting but even without that, he made her feel amazing. She imagined this was how Jake wanted to feel around her, and maybe how he _did_ feel. He excited her in an intense way. She remembered how she used to follow him around the studio so she could ‘accidently’ run into him. It felt like falling in love for the first time. The head-over-heels, dizzying, intense, butterflies-in-the-stomach type of feeling. She didn’t feel that for her boyfriend. She never did. So what if he doesn’t love her back? What if this is all he knows to do, because he can’t say it back?

She listened to Jake’s panting get louder as his strokes got shorter until he pulled out. She quickly flipped around on her back and let his release fall on her stomach.

“Wow.” Jake exhaled. He collapsed on the bed beside her and caught his breath. Kaitlan snuggled up beside him and laid her head on his chest. “Yeah.” She whispered, listening to his heart pacing. He wrapped her arm around her neck and stared at the ceiling.

“I want you to have a show too. I think you deserve it.” Jake said.

“Okay.” Kaitlan understood then he wasn’t going to say it back. This was it. There was no chance of them having a real relationship. It’s not like she didn’t know it but she wanted him to at least acknowledge his feelings for her. He wasn’t going to. She’s never going to hear _I love you too;_ instead she had to accept _I want you to have a show too_.

“Thank you.” She said weakly. Jake got up from the bed, dressed himself, and fixed his hair before turning his phone back on. He was still slightly drunk so he ordered an Uber. He sat on an ottoman at the feet of the bed as he stared at all the confused texts his wife sent while Kaitlan fell asleep behind him.

When it was time to leave, he quietly opened the door to the hotel’s hallway, trying not disturb Kaitlan’s sleep.

For a moment, he stood at the door and stared at Kaitlan on the bed. He wondered if it was possible to love two people at once.

**Author's Note:**

> umm sorry that was kinda shitty tho i sorta got lazy but im also not a seasoned fanfic writer


End file.
